a misunderstood theme

At the beginning of the year, Mark & I prayed for a personal theme for 2013. What did God want to do in us this year? What we got was that this would be the year of established faith. Upon hearing that, I was excited. I interpreted it as us seeing everything we'd been praying for finally coming to fruition...to establish our faith. A couple days later, our pastor and friend came over for dinner and said something similar: I think God's going to strengthen your faith because He's calling you to do something that requires a lot of faith. And when you reach thousands, He wants to trust that you won't move from that place of faith. Great! I thought. This is going to be an exciting year. 

What I didn't realize at that time was that a year of establishing faith means trial after trial, test after test, to do just that: establish our faith. Is He still good if He takes this or that away? Will we still go to God if things don't go according to plan? It didn't take long for me to learn that establishing our faith didn't mean a year of getting everything we asked for. It meant believing despite our circumstances. Although it's been extremely challenging and trying, 2013 has also been the most exciting, gratifying, and maturing year so far.

Starting a magazine as a side project and then being challenged by God and encouraged by our friends and family to pursue it full-time has its challenges. Insecurities suddenly come to the surface that you didn't think you had. Worries start to weigh you down. You realize how controlling you've been of your future. And how difficult it is to let go of those plans so that you can experience even greater dreams and visions. And yet, I think 2013 has been the best year yet.

Why? Because I'm being refined. I'm being cleaned of those impurities otherwise known as anxiety, worry, fear, insecurity...and I'm being refilled with confidence, vision, clarity, joy, and most of all, faith. Faith that re.write magazine is what Mark and I are called to do for now. Faith that rest is always better than striving, even when everything around you says otherwise. Faith that, even if things don't go according to plan, we'll still have faith. We'll still believe. We'll still have joy. And we'll still keep going.

That's not something I could say even a month ago. And yet, we're hours away from launching our first re.write magazine campaign, coined "The Rally" in which we hope to raise $20,000 and see exponential growth in our readership. And what am I doing right now? I'm reading a book. I'm blogging. I'm resting.

It's not because I'm über-confident that we'll meet all of our goals. To be honest, I have no idea. And sometimes, that little voice pops into my head, suggesting that I might embarrass myself publicly by failing in front of all of my friends and family. Sometimes, I get nervous that we're perhaps dreaming too big.

But whenever I get those little voices of fear, worry, and endless what-ifs, there's always another voice that silences those other voices. And it's that voice that reminds me that faith is the confidence in what we hope for and assurance of things unseen. I don't know how these next two weeks will pan out. I don't know if it will be successful or a total flop. But I do know that I will have faith, regardless. And it will be stronger and more resilient than before.

Until next time.

...Elysabeth