Since I've been back, it seems as if I haven't had a moment to breath. Whether it is going to Disneyland with the family, hanging out with old friends, or going to dinner with the boyfriend, my life has been on fast-forward, nonstop mode since I've landed. I can't complain because each thing I do has been wonderful and so entertaining. However, now more than ever, I'm realizing how important le temps pour moi ("me" time or time for me) is.
Most of the time I find myself asking: "It has already been three weeks...shouldn't I already be adjusted?!" but I have to remind myself that no, Elysabeth, it hasn't already been three weeks...it has only been three weeks. The days I feel "weird" or in some kind of "funk," I just attribute it to the fact that it's raining or perhaps because school is starting. But in reality, I have this never-ending buzz of anxiety that lingers in the back of my mind. It becomes most apparent when I'm alone. If I'm not doing anything, I suddenly become anxious and must plan to do something. But then, if I'm too busy, I have this sudden urge to just stop and run away. If I actually take a moment to think about it, it isn't difficult to see that this is all part of the adjustment period that everyone must go through upon their return.
As much as I love English-speaking classes, reuniting with friends, family and Mark, and beautiful California weather (well, with the exception of this week), some days I'd rather be in the 1000x slower-paced environment of France. There are times when I'd trade a day of sunny California for a 4-hour conversation over coffee at a cafe in cobble-stoned Lyon. Sometimes, I am willing to sacrifice the English-speaking classes for just one more walk across the Rhone and Saone rivers. And always, I will miss the open air markets on Sundays.
Each day is different. Most of the time, my perspective and attitude is entirely in my control so I try not to allow myself to dwell on the past and get sad about not being in France anymore. But sometimes, when I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed or stressed, the urge to be in one of the most beautiful cities in the world gets the best of me. Fortunately, I've had enormous support from loved ones all around. They continue to bring me sunshine and they remind me everyday of why I love being home.
[I've definitely missed the family]
[And this lovable person I call my bf]
[Old-timers]
[My world traveling buddy who I have yet to travel with]
[And my girls...]
In addition to adjusting, one [major] worry keeps nagging at me and that is...money. I am currently working at the Orange County Register but if I get the 2nd job that I'm hoping for, that dreaded worry will be erased...making my life less stressed and much lighter. Only time will tell...in the meantime, I'll keep my fingers crossed and continue living life without a worry (or pretend to do so!).
I think a mini reunion with some of my girls out in France is necessary...that is why I'm going to make the drive of death to LA on Thursday night after class. I'm hopefully going to get dinner with Jessica and Emily. It will be interesting to hear how their adjustments have been. I have a feeling we'll all find some comfort in each other's experiences :)
Here are just a few snippets of what I miss--
[How time magically froze]
[The fresh markets that were vibrant with energy and vivid colors]
[My home where my heart was...]
[My awesome key & chair]
[CHEEEEEEEEESE!]
[These ladies and others <3]>
[And of course...this.]
Change is a part of life. Change is something that is inevitable. It's not easy. It's not bad. In fact, most of the time, change makes you stronger, more mature, thoughtful, cultured, etc. I can't wait to see what these changes entail for my life.
I love this life I've been blessed with.
This is what I must remember.
5 comments :
beautiful. Thank you for being there these past couple of weeks Ive been at my lowest. I did not get to be there for you as much as you did for me, but you already know that I am here for you through thick & thin. You are so strong and you are the close friend I have that always sees the bright side of everything. Im so glad to see even though you have been in a funk from your transition time to time, you still tell yourself that change is good. Change is what you make of it, and you are going in the right direction. I love you Liz!!! <3
I have enjoyed following you this summer on all of your travels. You are probably the most remarkable young woman i've ever met and God will do remarkable things through you, I have no doubt. I'm probably about 15 years older than you but I've learned alot from you. In fact, you inspired me to start my blog to document my move back east. May God bless and protect you all the days of your life and may His plan be fulfilled in you and bring glory to Him!
Re-entry! That's what it's called. Whether you return from a mission trip or semester abroad, whether it's a good thing or a bad, there is a re-entry adjustment that most people aren't aware they're experiencing.
You return a different person. The experiences change you. There is so much you CAN'T describe or share because they're hard to detect. You sense most people can't relate to exactly what you say, feel or have become.
People often go through anxiety, depression and many other emotional sensations not easily distinguishable.
So . . . keep putting one foot in front of the other.
<3
Beautifully written. Reading that, there is SO much stuff there that I too deal with a lot (becuase I'm CONSTANTLY traveling, and therefore constantly re-adjusting. Its very insightful..
I hope the transition back into CA and Newport life isn't too hard.. just remember, Lyon will always be there for you. If its to visit or live one day, it will.
xx
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